In a little over three weeks I’m going to hit the big “Three Oh’. Society expects that I should be a Mrs. Somebody by now or at least be spotting a rock on that finger but hey, I can’t even boast of a boyfriend to my name.
Over the years, I’ve gone through different phases and stages a single girl living in Nigeria goes through. The happy ‘I am single days’; the ‘Oh I just met a cool guy’ days; and the frustrating ‘my ex just got married’ days. You all know the drill so I don’t need to get into all that.
I know I’m definitely not the only one wearing these shoes; however, I’m not sure how many have the same reasons for wearing them that I have.
My friend Chika and I have shared relationship and dating experiences and have one too many times whined about our singleness. Every time we have that girl talk, I seem to get an insight into the reason why I’m still a Miss. I will outline them below. Some will sound frivolous, stupid, or even childish but don’t judge me, no apologies this is me.
I am Special
I am special because I am different from other girls, there are a few like me out there no doubt but I must say I am not the conventional Nigerian girl. I am way smarter than your average girl and then some guys too. I am not thrilled by the little things guys say and do that would make a girl swoon. To get my attention, you just have to be extraordinary. When we talk it’s got to be intelligent conversation and you better know more about the subject than I do, or else just take a back seat.
The thing is those guys who are really smart, smarter than girls like me are few. The other ones are intimidated by me; and some turned off by a girl too smart for her own good.
I Have Got it All Together
The single independent woman syndrome. No, I won’t ask you for help to buy that Brazilian hair or pay that bill. Girls like me don’t need to say, when you see us you will know we are not playing damsel in distress. And the result? The men don’t get the chance to play hero. I’m working on that though because a man got to be and feel like a man.
I am Not Ready to Give Up the Honey Before Jumping the Broom
Let’s face it, it’s a big deal for most men. They want it when they want it. No patience for that “I will wait till the wedding night story”. I have had many guys tell me they have to taste the goods before they purchase it. However, I firmly believe in closing that shop until marriage. Call me old-fashioned if you want. I have looked around at a couple of my close friends and relatives that recently got married. Some with the cute baby bump under the wedding dress, evidence that the cookie was offered. Others close enough tell me they have had premarital relations with the intended. I still know a couple of others that have waited. The statistics is, however, meager compare to the first group.
So there goes my reason number 3: I am not offering, they are not putting the ring on it.
Fear of Commitment
Okay classic story, boy meets girl, boy is all cool, funny and fun to be with, then boy says “I want to get serious with you” that is the part where I panic and I think “Hold on a minute, Slow down here! Do I look like I’m desperate to settle down? I’m single because I refuse to ‘manage’ a man. I want the whole package! I take two steps back and ask myself again: is his English above average? Does he love movies like I do? Does he like kids like I do? Has he got a steady source of income? Does he dress well? Is he someone I can respect, someone I can look up to? You know like how when you were younger and you looked up to your Dad like he’s got all the answers? Is he neat? (I like really neat guys).
LOVE. Plain old sweet love!
You won’t believe this after everything I’ve said the last but certainly not the least reason (I’m not ashamed to say) is that I still believe in love – the type you see in fairytales. The Cinderella kind of love, the Obinze and Ifemelu kind of love (go and read Americanah). I’m still waiting for the butterflies in my stomach feeling before I commit to any man. I want to hold that special someone’s hands and feel the shivers down my spine, a thud in my heart and feel my knees wobble. I want that man that would treat me like a lady, open doors, draw chairs, surprise me with chocolates and flowers at work just because it’s Monday, Leave romantic notes in ridiculous places for me to find. The kind of man that would go all out to plan and pull off a surprise proposal. You know, that kind of man* wink*.
So my dears that is my story, that is why I am still single and if those snoopy aunts dare to ask me why I’m still single again, I’ll just pull out a copy of this list from my purse and we’ll see what they have to say about it. My mum will totally freak out if she gets a whiff of this.
Is anyone on this boat with me? Or am I riding solo on this one? Someone? Anyone? Hello?