Berry Dakara: 3 Things You Miss After Getting Marr...

Berry Dakara: 3 Things You Miss After Getting Married


As a newlywed, chances are that you’ll be deliriously happy and basking in the glow of marriage (hopefully). Nothing can or will ever make you miss the days of being single, right? WRONG! The things you miss may not hit you all at once, and you may not even realize that you miss them for a while. But every now and then, the memories will creep up on you.

1. A First Kiss/Date/Time-Said-The-L-Word
This one happened to me about six months after my wedding. I was home alone and didn’t feel like blogging, so I plopped in front of the TV and there was a sweet romantic comedy on. I watched the usual storyline – Boy Meets Girl, Boy Woos Girl, Boy and Girl go on a first date, Boy and Girl share their first kiss, etc. Those warm fuzzy feelings (aka butterflies) began to build in my tummy, because I remembered what it was like when I first met Cakes (my husband, as I fondly call him). I had this natural high when we met, even though we didn’t date for a few months. I remembered waiting for his phone call (and texting him when the call never came), fantasizing about what the first kiss would be like, wondering what to wear on our first date, realizing that I DID love this guy, saying my first “I Love You” to him. And then it hit me! I’ll never have that again. That heady rush of excitement, infatuation and nerves over a new romance is now forever a thing of the past.

2. Spontaneous Outings with the Girls
If you were the proverbial Social Butterfly, you might have a hard time with this. You can’t just get up and go out for a night on the town with your girls anymore. No more spontaneous road trips or cruise vacays with the ladies. Impromptu all-night ‘Sex and the City’ marathon? Nope! This was not such a big deal to me until my friends and I started talking about our birthday plans… Of course we were going to put money aside and fly to Ghana for our birthday weekend! Yup yup, bottle popping tingz (as they say). I excitedly rushed home to tell the hubs, and he excitedly responded, “But it’s your first birthday as my wife, and I want to spend it with you!!!” Yeeeah, Goodbye Ghana. It was nice almost knowing you.

3. Your space
Apart from your maiden name, one of the first things to go after getting married is having your space. It might be space and/or time to practice Amber Rose’s twerking in front of the mirror in your underwear, reading a book, or indulging in your weekend hair, body and beauty regimens. As a Miss-Independent type, I relished having time to myself to do absolutely whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted – whether it included everything OR nothing! The first time I realized how much of my space I’d given up, was the week I went back to work after the wedding. I got home and as usual, wanted to unwind in front of Comedy Central. However Cakes had gotten home before me and was watching CNN. Okay, no big deal… I went to our bedroom to chill. Guess who popped in a few minutes later to talk about how the day went :|
“Space, o space, wherefore art thou my beloved Space?”

While you may miss some or all of the above, the good news is that there are other things that take the place of each of them.

3 Things that Replace What You Miss
1. Other Firsts and No More Anxiety
Yup, now you’ve married your beloved and you don’t have to worry anymore about whether he/she will be a good or bad kisser; or whether the date will go well or not; or when the best time to say “I love you” is or even who should say it first. All that anxiety and worrying over whether he/she is THE ONE is totally gone (hopefully you married the right person). And besides, there are other firsts that you have to look forward to now: First Anniversary, First Apartment or Home, First Child (I’m partial because I am a first child), and so much more.

2. Pretty Perfect Plans
As a married person now, it’s much harder to engage in spur-of-the-moment activities with your friends. But that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with them. It just means that you have to balance your time wisely. Instead of feeling like you’re missing out on the fun, simply plan ahead with your girls on when you can meet up and make that time count – drinks, food, beauty treatments, Bible study, networking events or just sitting around and gisting! Let your husband know ahead of time, and he can even schedule time with the boys or have them over for drinks and football! Trust me; by the time you get home, you’d probably have missed each other so much you want to lock yourselves indoors.

3. Our space
Well, for me I still get to have some space and time to myself (thanks to Playstation 4 and FIFA 15). But as much as I enjoy having ‘Me-Time’ I’ve discovered that I enjoy ‘We-Time’ too. Getting home from work and settling on the couch with the mister, while watching TV has a certain calming and comforting quality to it. Being stuck at home on a dreaded rainy Saturday means that we can cuddle in bed while watching Scandal. And yes, I admit that every now and then, I get bored in my space – sometimes when he’s playing his PS 4, I go and dance in front of him to distract him into a little ‘Tom and Jerry’ game that usually ends up in tickles and giggles.

What’s the point of all this? Enjoy whatever stage of life you’re in, and make the most out of it!





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